Birthday b.i.t.c.h

bitch – /biCH/
noun – a female dog, wolf, fox, or otter

My friends call me Tia-Maria,
But I also go by “good girl” and “big baby”.
Someone once called me “Tio”
and it stuck for a while.
I didn’t find it funny!
tia2 tia3
I came in a small package;
always had extra velvet skin to grow into.
They would tell me “pull up your pants!”
And I sure did – standing at 130lbs!
My revenge was sharp teeth and puppy breath!


I love car rides and playing silly on the couch!
I have some big friends next door that kinda’ look like me.
Mom hates it when I sneak past the gate
and go visit them.

I love to go for walks, explore and sniff around,
and pull everyone all over the place.
It’s always “me first!”, of course!


I share the main floor with two buddies,
Moxie and Roxie. They’re witty I tell you!
I don’t like it very much when they horseplay upstairs
and I’m never invited!
But, when they disturb my sleep, I show them who’s boss,
and chase them around and back up the stairs.

I play outside all.the.time.
I have two buddies that live outside too.
They love to play with each other,
but they don’t like to chase me around very much.
They say I waste so much energy galloping around.

They’re cool though. We share stories by the fire in the summer,
and chase chickens around in the yard.
That’s when Mom yells at us and chases us!
and I run and run and run,
she can never catch me.
She said I’m just like a little horse,
full of life and strength.

I hate rain and snow when it’s time to go potty.
I might melt, you know!!
I wear a jacket when it’s cold out,
and only go for short walks.

I eat selectively and turn my nose at ‘bad’ foods.
I love crunchy foods like cabbage, broccoli, and carrots.
I steal broccoli and brussel sprouts stems
and make a mess on the living room floor,
and always on the carpet!
I have a special blankie for eating bones on
and I lie down and wait for mom to bring the goods!


I made it in the local paper too!
When we first moved in, dad sent my picture in.
Everyone saw me and talked about me for weeks.
Mom has my picture framed in her office
and looks at it every day, when she misses me.
I miss her too, but she comes back and we play
until it’s late at night and time to bed again.
I sleep a lot during the day too,
so I don’t miss her all that much.

I know ‘sit’ and ‘down’ and ‘come’ and ‘stay’.
I don’t like ‘drop it’ and ‘give it’, but I do it!
If a get into trouble mom would “HEY!” me
and tell me “no” and “get out of there”.
They don’t like it that I learned to spell “w.a.l.k”
and “ready” means ‘let’s go’ for me too!
Keys jiggling off the counter means I get to go on car rides!
When they go for the leash I JUST KNOW
and post myself by the door,
all jittery with excitement.


Dad takes me to the office from time to time.
I have lots of fun and sometimes more dogs come.
I sleep for most of the day,
and I love it when mom comes to get us.
My teeth get all chattery and she always laughs
and tells me to speak up!

I burp loudly and mom always says “bless you”;
I ‘farkle’ to clear the room! I even scare myself while asleep.
I bark whenever mom or dad say “who’s there?”
and then quickly run next to them to hide.
I don’t like fireworks, nor gunfires,
and I shiver when it’s thundering. Scary!
I steal people’ spot on the couch,
and fall asleep by the fireplace.
I’m in everyone’s way, but hey! they say ” ‘scuse me”
before stepping over me. They love me!


It’s so much fun to be around me.
I’m in everyone’s face that comes over,
and I really try not to step on their toes,
but I’m always so excited to see them!

I follow kids around and sniff their faces and lick their nose.
They try to run and get away, but I’m always by their side!

I lean on people that I like, and push them to the wall.
I sit nicely on the couch next to people and look for attention.
Nobody touches mom without my approval.
Dad sometimes tries to sit next to her on the couch,
and I quickly set the order and go in the middle of them!

But they love me to the moon and back and today is my 3rd birthday!





One Thought on “Birthday b.i.t.c.h

  1. Pingback: Mox-Mox and Rox-Rox | Caledon Acres

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